"This One's for the Girls"

From the moment Dr. Leech held Emily up above the blue curtain in all her wiggly, wet glory, Britt and I knew things were going to be different.  I mean, sure, we knew having a baby would alter life as we'd known it.  We'd been to the classes and read a few books and had the conversations.  But as with most major change in life you just can't appreciate it until its happening.  And then you just hang on.

Emily was a surprise.  A wonderful, 9 lbs 2 oz., 20 inch chunk of heaven on earth.  Britt and I sometimes think back to that time in our life when we learned we were going to be parents.  Starting a family was something we knew we eventually wanted to do.  Instead, we were given this gift when we weren't expecting it.  We can see now that the blessing of Emily came at the perfect time for many, many reasons.  And that's generally how God's timing works.  One look at Emily and we knew: "This is it.  We're parents.  We don't even know what we're doing.  But we're going to love her like crazy and we're going to figure it out."  And we have.  Parenting Emily has been one of the greatest mutual joys of our lives.

Eventually, we'd come to know that we had room in our hearts for another child.  We wanted another baby so badly and many times found it very hard to wait.  But God, in His will and design for our family, blessed us with another sweet baby girl when His timing was once again perfect.  This time when we found out a baby was on the way it was different - we knew that this was the desire of our hearts and that we were ready for our family and hearts to grow.  Being Emily's parents has shown us all of the happiness and wonder that having children brings.  And so our perspective was different.

So, when Dr. Scarbrough held Reagan up above the blue curtain in all of her wiggly, wet glory we knew (once again) that things were going to be different.  A wonderful, girly, can't-believe-we-get-to-live-this-life different. 

We've been a family of four for just shy of four weeks now.  We're adjusting and are figuring out this new dynamic together.  But as 'Mom' I'm remembering a lot and re-learning a lot especially.  The biggest lesson so far is this:

There are two babies.

What does this mean?  If you are a parent of more than one child - whether they were born from your hips or your heart - you know.

There's the first baby.  The baby that changes your tax status.  The one that you are just sure you are going to break.  The one you stare at with fear and trembling when the Discharge Nurse reminds you of everything you should and shouldn't do with your baby.  You just know she can sense that you're ill-prepared for parenthood and you can't believe they're letting you leave with this little human.  It's on you now.  First babies do that.

They cry and your heart seizes because you're either still learning how to soothe them or you just feel overwhelmed that they need you.  They adjust and re-arrange schedules and lives and while you're busy changing diapers three weeks fly by.  You keep them at home for weeks at a time to limit exposure to the world and avoid meltdowns - some by the baby...some by you.  And then one day she has graduated kindergarten and her two bottom teeth have fallen out.

She paves the way for the second baby.

The baby who won't break.  The baby you look at with calm assurance when the Discharge Nurse reviews her list.  You think in your mind, "Thank you for the reminders, but I'll be the judge of that.  I've done this before.  I've got this."  The baby you can't wait to take home.  The one that adjusts and re-arranges things yet again, and still, even in those changes you find things are still exactly where and how they should be.  The one that cries and you don't sweat the reason; you just know you get to be the one to fix it and that makes it alright.  The one that you know will be graduating kindergarten and losing teeth all too soon.  The one smiling at her sister.

There won't be any more babies for us.  There is such a ring of finality to this but we know in our hearts that our family is complete.  And we have peace that our two babies are just who and when and are becoming what they should be.  We get to be a part of this because they belong to us.  We are soaking up these moments...

We have two babies.  Two amazing daughters.

I have two daughters.

This one's for them.